Friday, March 9, 2007

My current situation

I have been away quite a while, but not without a reason. I did even consider letting this blog die down. Since I received a lot of mails lately asking if I am ok, I decided to restart writing about my situation.

To get those things out of they way, there were 2 reasons I stopped writing:

1) I was sharing very intimate experiences with the wide world, something I was not totally happy with. When some people started to accuse me of making those things up, I lost my motivation to share anything more. Once the voting was put on hold, I had no reason to make any more embarrassing details about my sex life public.

2) The second and even more severe reason was of a medical nature. I didn't believe the people telling me I was risking an infection, but they were right. Only a few days after the piercings were made I realized that something went terrible wrong. My doctor diagnosed a severe infection and I had to undergo treatment with antibiotics. At first it looked like I would suffer permanent damage and lose some of the piercings, but everything healed better than expected. I spare you the ugly details, but everyone considering a genital piercing should be really careful! This is nothing to be sloppy with!

The infection healed completely and finally the whole situation turned out well for me. Did I get my orgasm by now? No, I didn't. During the infection I still was incredible horny, but if you know what an infection in the genital area means, you will understand that I had no business masturbating during that time. So once everything was back to normal, I was asking my master and lover for release, being pretty sure he will allow me my orgasm after everything I went through.

I was mistaken. He convinced me that all the effort of getting the piercings would have been in vain, if they never were used for their purpose. I understand his point although my urge to cum gets bigger every day. If someone out there believes that you can get used to an orgasmless life, you are mistaken. It gets worse every day.

Currently I am looking forward to get the real piercing rings - the strong and secure ones - tomorrow afternoon. I don't know how long my master and lover plans on keeping me locked up, but he promised that it won't be long. I guess he wants to let me suffer for a few days, and I will have my orgasm finally next week.

35 comments:

Anonymous said...

Did he seem worried about your health, or did he appear to enjoy your suffering?

If he didn't apologize for being careless with your health and didn't offer any care and support, then I hope you will reconsider staying in a relationship with him.

Anonymous said...

glad to see you're all right

Kirsten said...

Thank you both for your caring words :).

He looked after me all the time and was a real angel while I was "sick". I felt he was very sorry for putting me in this situation. I could have had anything from him... well, except for an orgasm. The only thing you might had to worry about was my health, and everything is fine again in that area to.

Anonymous said...

I hope he does more research on safety before doing any more body modification to you.

Anonymous said...

Someone that has the key to a person's chastity device can coerce that person into doing activities he or she is uncomfortable with by refusing to unlock the device before the activities are done. Therefore, I believe that it would be a good idea to set some limits.

He should realize that not setting a certain limit doesn't always mean a certain activity is acceptable. For example: most people would not think that their partners would kill them, so they do not set death as a limit. That doesn't always mean that they would accept being murdered.

(I am not suggesting that he would kill you. I am using that example to show that it is unreasonable to assume that someone is able to think of every possibiliy and list every activity that he or she does not accept. You don't need to allow someone to use ommissions in you limit list to do things to you that you did not give prior informed consent for.)

Anon01 said...

I find it strange that the only people making comments here, are those who feel Kirsten is in some sort of danger here. You forget that she went into this willingly, knew what she might be getting into, and still has not seriously demanded to be released from this situation. Obviously there is some level of enjoyment on her part here.

Not to mention the fact, that there is no material or device in existence that is either indestructible, or inescapable.
We've all heard just about every negative view towards this type of lifestyle, how about some positive input for a change? Just a thought... :)

Anonymous said...

"knew what she might be getting into" She said she never expected this to last this long, and she didn't seem to expect chastity piercings (or an infection that was partially caused by neglect of safety) when this started.

"went into this willingly" "not seriously demanded to be released from this situation" The prisoners in the Stanford Prison Experiment shared those traits. They were tortured almost constantly, but they accepted their treatment (this was mostly a result of Stockholm Syndrome). The situation was so intense that one prisoner forgot it was a simulation and forgot that he could escape if he really wanted to (his confusion is understandable after the psychological torture he experienced). The prisoners were not submissive, and they didn't enjoy their treatment.

www.prisonexp.org

Anonymous said...

*continued from above

I believe everyone should learn something about all of the following before starting this type of relationship: Battered Woman Syndrome, Stockholm Syndrome, abusive relationships, consent (especially the fact that consent under duress and/or with an altered mental state (drugs, alcohol, fear, desperation, etc.) is not informed consent), and BDSM safety.

"there is no material or device in existence that is either indestructible, or inescapable." She said she cannot remove the device without damaging her genitals. She can remove it, but the threat of genital mutilation coerces her into leaving it on.

"We've all heard just about every negative view towards this type of lifestyle, how about some positive input for a change?" abuse is not a positive lifestyle.

This "lifestyle" can be fun if it included mutual consent and mutual enjoyment. Taking advantage of a partner's devotion to gain enjoyment at the expense of a partner without regard to his/her feelings is not right or healthy.

Anonymous said...

Hi Kirsten,

I am Susan from tantalism.org. I am the one being denied by my girlfriend/Mistress for the whole year. I can relate to what you are going through. Just take it day by day and hopefully you will get to cum soon. I totally and completely understand losing any desire to keep posting when you see comments accusing you of making your story up and then others trashing you partner accusing them of being abusive. I wish I could offer some advice on that but sadly I have none. I'd say try to ignore them but I definitely know how hard that is. I myself followed your story closely at first but the negativity rang a familiar bell and I stopped following things.

Just know that there are many many people who enjoy what you write. I surely do hope you find relief soon Kirsten, you seem very nice and I think you have earned the right for an orgasm. I am in the chatroom quite often on tantalism.org. If you want drop on by sometimes and say hi! I'd like to chat with you sometimes. :) Good luck to you.

Susan

Anon01 said...

"She said she never expected this to last this long, and she didn't seem to expect chastity piercings (or an infection that was partially caused by neglect of safety) when this started."

When you live this type of lifestyle, you should expect some pretty wild idea's from your partner. In turn, you should expect a certain amount of risk along with it, and to accept the consequences of your decision thereafter. She has not yet made any claims to actually refusing any of these piercings, or any of the other punishments her master has dealt her. So we must assume she is telling us everything she wishes us to know, and that she is indeed going along with this willingly to some degree. Obviously she is devoted to her partner/master or she would never have allowed this to start in the first place.

Now as for her claims that the rings cannot be removed without genital mutilation, I believe that to be a slight over exaggeration. If the ring are truly as small as that, there wouldn't be enough room for both flesh and lock within the ring. If it was so tightly packed, there would be nothing but pain and discomfort from the lock pinching the skin against the rings. So there has to be some amount of space to prevent this. And even if there isn't, skin and flesh have the ability to stretch, slip, and even change in thickness. So a bit of soap, or a bit of stretching, would create a small gap, allowing you to cut the rings, using some like this.

http://www.ciphersbyritter.com/
RADELECT/LITES/DYKES1.JPG

I seriously doubt this is as bad as everyone makes it out to be. If it were as abusive as you all make it seem, would her master really allow her, or even encourage her to post? Especially when he can clearly see, you are all so sure he is out for blood.

Anonymous said...

I believe this relationship does show some signs of abuse of power. However, we do not know if Kirsten wants this type of relationship, or if she is being pushed into doing things she is not comfortable with.

I believe Kirsten and her "master and lover" need have a negotiation.

Kirsten should have her chastity device removed and have her arousal relieved. With the device removed, both partners should discuss this relationship as equals (i.e. her "master and lover" should not try to dominate the discussion and Kirsten should not feel that she will be punished for anything she says or does during the discussion). If these things happen, Kirsten can negotiate without worrying about remaining locked up or being punished in any other way, and she can make decisions without her mind being clouded by strong arousal. (Kirsten also should not be restained, and should not be feeling "afterglow" so she will be able to make rational decisions.)

They should discuss Kirsten's feelings about everything that has happened. If Kirsten didn't enjoy certain things or felt that they went on too long, this needs to be known by both partners.

Then they should discuss things that might occur in the future. Limits and safety should be addressed. Kirsten's "master and lover" seems to be more extreme than she is, so I think a "safeword" should be set up so Kirsten can have the ability to say that she feels things are going too far and/or she does not enjoy what is happening.

If this relationship continues after proper negotiation, the nature of the consent and enjoyment in this relationship will be more clear. This will (hopefully) reduce the discussions about whether this relationship is abusive.

The following links have information on negotiation and contracts:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Negotiation_%28BDSM%29
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Contract_%28BDSM%29

Anonymous said...

"When you live this type of lifestyle, you should expect some pretty wild idea's from your partner. In turn, you should expect a certain amount of risk along with it, and to accept the consequences of your decision thereafter."
If (for example) someone wanted to be handcuffed to a bed during intercourse and his/her partner covered him/her with bruises, deep cuts, and burns, those would not be acceptable risks or consequences for being restrained. A willingness to engage in BDSM activities does not indicate a willingness to be harmed.

Anonymous said...

"I myself followed your story closely at first but the negativity rang a familiar bell and I stopped following things.
"

Susan, do you remember that it was mostly the "negativity" that made Andrea realize she was going too far?

Andrea admitted that she did "some really *REALLY* inhumane things" which neither one of you seemed to be willing to talk about. (Considering everything you did talk about, those things must have been terrible). Would it be acceptable to you if everyone allowed Kirsten to suffer the same things you did?

Anonymous said...

"She has not yet made any claims to actually refusing any of these piercings, or any of the other punishments her master has dealt her. So we must assume she is telling us everything she wishes us to know, and that she is indeed going along with this willingly to some degree."

Did you read anything about the Stanford Prison Experiment?

The guards made the prisoners too broken to refuse the cruel orders. The intensity of the situation made them forget that they could refuse the entire experiment.

Besides, Kirsten said she had an intense discussion with him, and she said she tried to argue. That implies that she tried to refuse her treatment, but he continued anyway.

Anonymous said...

Kirsten, I want to thank you for allowing the discussions to happen even when you may not like the posts.

Even if your relationship is completely enjoyable and consensual, the things that are being talked about may help some readers that may be unsure about the nature of their relationship.

Anon01 said...

While I do agree with that, I just don't believe this is the place for it. Especially when it is to such a high degree, that viewers forget that this is supposed to be an enjoyable experience. Not to mention, I'm pretty sure Kirsten never expected, nor wished for such negative feedback. But maybe I'm wrong... Kirsten?

Anonymous said...

My apologies, my last post was meant to quote...

"Even if your relationship is completely enjoyable and consensual, the things that are being talked about may help some readers that may be unsure about the nature of their relationship."

Anonymous said...

There is a thread about this blog on tantalism.org.

http://tantalism.org/node/view/892

Even though the topic is old, I'm sure no one would mind if you made a post.

Anonymous said...

I am not sure that everyone who is okay with this relationship has read all the previous posts. Here are some things that have been said by Kirsten previously. These quotes from her strongly indicate a complete lack of enjoyment for her.

"...I wish I never asked him to..."

"If I wouldn't have been tied down, I would have slapped the smirk out of his face when he turned the vibrator off again."

"I cannot think about anything else at the moment, even when I am at work."

"I am not doing this because I want to justify my kink ala "Oh, the bad people on the internet make me do it!". I am pleading to you because this has goon much too far by now. My everyday life is focused on my arousal and I started to have problems with sleeping. Some nights it takes hours for me to finally fall asleep, constantly thinking about my wet pussy and how badly I need this orgasm. It was fun during the first ten days, but I have enough of this.

Please don't do this to me!
"

"I tried to argue with him, I got really angry. I shouted at him and said words I shouldn't repeat here."

"Of course I don't want this. I never expected this to go that far."

These quotes show regret, anger, distraction, problems with sleep, pleading, expressing strong desire for the activity to end, and feeling that this has gone too far.

Does anyone still wish for these activities to continue after her confessions that this relationship is done without informed consent and enjoyment?

Anonymous said...

" A willingness to engage in BDSM activities does not indicate a willingness to be harmed."
This is most certainly true. In all seriousness she's amazingly lucky. she could have easily gone into toxic shock due to the piercing infections. to be quite frank these issues exist even in the most controlled conditions, if it can happen in a sterile hospital room, it can most certainly happen elsewhere, say what you will abot people always getting sick in hospitals, they're still a lot cleaner than the home. toxic shock btw is not just something caused by tampons see here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toxic_shock
the risk she ran of a major blood borne staph infection (which are very difficult to kill without the use of very strong and rather damaging IV medication, and unless diagnosed and treated immediately will cause escessively high fevers including those above 106 degrees fahrenheit, at which point brain damage begins to occur and as icing on the cake, death) was above high and the person doing the piercings should have known that. staph bacteria naturally grows on the skin, and whether you realize this or not the groin/crotch area presents absolutely ideal conditions for incubation and growth of microbes, those being a steady pH level (especially in and around the vagina), moisture, lack of exposure to intense light and heat. more or less by recieveing the piercings in the manner that she did she gave a whole host of bacteria a pipeline right into her blood stream. forgive the sarcasm but it probably would have been safer to swim in a vat of rusted metal without a tetnus shot. truely this is not meant to be a shame on you for being stupid response, it is more a testament to the fact that you should be a bit more concerned and informed about matters concerning your safety. it is not my intent to patronize or condescend, but please please do be careful.

Anon01 said...

"Does anyone still wish for these activities to continue after her confessions that this relationship is done without informed consent and enjoyment?"

Consider this...

numerous times, it seems she has had her wish granted. Gotten enough votes to end this, or whatever. But each time, she has some how messed it up whether by breaking the rules, or allowing herself to be distracted. Deep down, I do believe she enjoys this torment, but to come out and say it would spoil the game.

She really could get out if she really felt the need. I don't believe she is so helpless, that she can't prevent anything truly displeasing to her.

And if you all haven't noticed by now, all this negative feedback, has put her off posting any further updates.

Bianca said...

Hi Kirsten! :) My name's Bianca, and I'm a slave too. I know exactly what you're going through. Orgasm denial is crazy... but once my Master set me... er... "free" it was amazing. PURE pleasure. And my libido has still been increased to this day. looking back, it was definitely worth it! ;)

And to all those making negative comments, you're not helping. You're just being bothersome at this point. It's quite clear that she is happy in the relationship and in the situation; she just needs the orgasm that she deserves. But in the end, it's up to her Master to decide when that should occur, and when he feels that both the goal has been reached and that the time is right, she'll come. And she'll come hard. ;D

Goodluck, babe!
xoxoxo

Anonymous said...

"you're not helping."

If the comments help people learn that SSC BDSM does not include abuse, then they help.

"You're just being bothersome at this point."

They only seem to bother people that can't learn that wanting to be tied up does not mean wanting to give up all control.

"It's quite clear that she is happy in the relationship and in the situation;"

Read the quotes from Kirsten.

Anonymous said...

"It's quite clear that she is happy in the relationship and in the situation"

She WAS happy, until he pushed it too far. Read the following quote.

"This was exciting for the first week, but now it is pure torture. I see no way I can be persuaded into doing this a second time!"

Bianca said...

I've read every comment and post on this blog and I don't think that this is abuse or that her Master has taken it too far. She can walk out whenever she chooses. She DOES have complete control over herself, and in no way has he rendered her powerless or taken advantage.

Anonymous said...

So, she has to accept everything he does to her or she has to leave. That is behavior typical of Battering Husbands. I would be interested to learn if money or children are involved that make her stay.

Also, the "It can't be that bad or she wouldn't stay" myth has already been disproven. Visit the following website to learn why Battered Women stay.

http://www.letswrap.com/dvinfo/whystay.htm

Anonymous said...

Kirsten, you haven't posted in a while. Did the infection return?

Anonymous said...

Kirsten, are you okay? Anything to update?

Kirsten said...

Hello!

I am sorry I haven't posted recently but a lot of things happened between me and my now ex-boyfriend and as some predicted it - a few things went very wrong. I have to get my head straight before I start posting again. I planned an update for today, bu some more issues popped up. My infection is ok, no problems with my health. I will hopefully can give you details tomorrow.

so long,
Kirsten

Anonymous said...

Kirsten, I am glad you were able to break up with him when things went wrong.

If you don't mind, I have a question:

When you tried to assure everyone that the relationship was consensual and enjoyable, was that because he forced you to pretend nothing was wrong?

Also, did you say "so long" because you are planning to stop posting?

Anonymous said...

Kirsten, you have not made an update for almost two days. Are you okay? Did he give you the key?

Anonymous said...

It has been 3 days. If you don't feel like making a long post, you can just make a short comment giving brief details. I hope he didn't hurt you too badly.

Anonymous said...

Now that you are no longer with him, will you remove the vote?

Anonymous said...

So what would actually happen if you decided to cum? Do you like being so controlled or are you afraid of him?

Kirsten said...

I am finally ready to talk about my experiences. Maybe someone can learn from them. I will explain anything in my next blog entry.